The easier thing?
HT to Amy for this article by the author of Crunchy Cons (a book I've had sitting on my bookshelf waiting to be read for entirely too long!):
Give me a break!
Before you go around spouting off how incredibly easy being a full-time mother is and what a brainless job it is, perhaps you should try it out for a bit? Well, maybe not, though, because I'd feel sorry for any child birthed to a mom who thinks that mothering is the least intelligent thing you can do with your life.
Writing on today's NYT op-ed page, Linda Hirshman says it's just awful that more women are dropping out of the work force to become stay-at-home moms:I don't necessarily agree with all the conclusions or statements in the article by Rod Dreher, but found it interesting and worth the read. I applaud anyone who stands up against Linda Hirshman's ridiculous statements about the worthlessness of parenting your own child. Like this one:New mothers with husbands in the top 20 percent of earnings work least, the report notes. As Ernest Hemingway said, the rich do have more money. So they also have more freedom to leave their jobs. But why do they take the option? It's easier in the short term, sure, but it's easier to forgo lots of things, like going to college or having children at all. People don't - nor should they - always do the easier thing.What an insulting, ignorant remark. The easier thing? When I get home at the end of most days, no matter how difficult a time I've had at the office, it's not been as demanding as my wife has had raising three small children and taking care of the house. In what sense do stay-at-home moms take the "easier" route? They, and their families, give up the extra income, as well as the personal satisfaction obtainable through office work. They also give up the security of having built a career to fall back on if something were to happen to their husbands, leaving them the sole breadwinner. They invite the scorn of many in their generation who, like Linda Hirshman, denigrate homemaking.
Read the whole article.
Should we care if women leave the work force? Yes, because participation in public life allows women to use their talents and to powerfully affect society. And once they leave, they usually cannot regain the income or status they had.Yeah, all you moms out there, I'm sure you'd agree that as a wife and mom you have no influence over anybody, right? And you most certainly are in no way using your talents.
Give me a break!
Before you go around spouting off how incredibly easy being a full-time mother is and what a brainless job it is, perhaps you should try it out for a bit? Well, maybe not, though, because I'd feel sorry for any child birthed to a mom who thinks that mothering is the least intelligent thing you can do with your life.
posted by Crystal Paine at 9:00 AM
19 Comments:
I didn't need to read the entire article to disagree with it. I don't know how many times I've begged Steve to let me switch places with him for an afternoon but he always tells me he's not tough enough to do my job!!
MajorMom, My husband said the same thing! He watched our three busy boys for 4 hours and spent the rest of the day holed up in the garage. LOL. He did let me take extra bubble bath time that weekend, though :-)
I'm a fan of Rod Dreher's editorials. I appreciate having a man stand up for all the stay-at-homes who are supposedly languishing away their educations. I still use my degree even though I'm a SAHW; I'm just not necessarily always earning money with it.
I would say that I don't understand the mindset that it's only earning power that counts for anything in this world, but it really just gets at the heart of our materialistic culture. Character, integrity, and freedom don't seem to count for much these days in light of our consumer-driven society. It's all about what you can collect, not who you can become.
What an eye-roller. I actually think I have it MUCH easier as a single working lady than my dear SAHM friends do - at least when I leave work for the day I can leave my work and work problems at work. You can't do that as a homemaker and mommy! I babysit frequently for my friends and I tell you - WORK is the easy way.
It must be "easy" to sit behind a screen and keyboard and tell the world how to live and also what is worthwhile. What an idiot. :-}
Hi Crystal,
Thank you for posting this link.
It's funny that feminists keep saying it's all about "choice", but when women make a choice to leave the workforce and raise their children, it's suddenly not about just any "choice". It's about Linda Hirshman's choice.
However... I oppose the thought that only mothers of young children should stay at home. A woman should feel contented at home, not like she's making and temporary sacrifice and can't wait for the first opportunity to jump into the workforce. That includes women whose childre are grown up, and also childless women. Supporting one's husband and taking care of the home is a full-time job too!
Hi Anna,
I understand your anger... but please realize that there are feminist for whom it really is about choice... it is for me!!!!...
I really and completely support your decision to stay at home... but I will always, always fight for a woman's right to make a different choice than that too...
J
Someone who cannot write well enough to know not to split an infinitive should not be preaching from the NYT's lofty pulpit.
As a SAHM I do feel it is insulting to be told I check my brain at the door, but I do think there is one thing many SAHM's neglect - that is a contingency plan IF your husband were to not be able to work, or leave. I'm not saying a plan-because-you-can't-trust-God to provide kind of thing, but God is honored by our preparation. To that end, even though we can trust God as our ultimate provider, I think a wise mother and wife would have at least contemplated what they might do to provide for their family if something happened to the provider. I've asked this question on here before and gotten answers including 'How big is your God' and 'this is where the church should support women' but a practical answer in my opinion is to always be considering what marketable skills you might have that would allow a woman to provide for her loved ones. Thoughts??
Anonymous: Yes, we definitely have a plan should my husband become unable to work or, God forbid, die.
For one, he has invested wisely in enough insurance that I could live off of and raise our children at home without ever having to get a job. In addition, the business and other freelance things I do from home could also easily support us if need be.
I'm a very practical person and my husband and I have talked these things through at length. I'm very involved in our financial decisions and have studied investments and insurance in the last year (thanks to Dave Ramsey's course) to help me be better equipped in my understanding of these things.
As you know, I'm a big proponent of frugality, creativity, and entreprenurialism. I also know that God is able to provide. I don't spend my life worrying about "what ifs" - we have a plan in place and ultimately, I know that God would take care of us as He has always been faithful to do.
And yes, I agree with you that it is wise to think these things through. Not out of paranoia, but because you want to be wise and thoughtful. This is one reason I highly recommend Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University as it has been most helpful to me in this and to our marriage in discussing some of these things.
If all women chose to work, and leave behind the home, than, yes, definately, they could be a positive influence in today's society! But, by choosing to stay at home and raise their children, they have the power to influence tomorrow's society. If they have more than one child, they'll be able to influence the future on more than one front. That is what my mom chose- she left a good job (she could have made more money than my father), and raised my brother and me, and through God's grace he and I are both serving the Lord. He, back home in NY, and I through my husband's ministry in Zambia, Africa. Now you tell me that's a waste of her time and energy? I'm glad she saw things God's way! She is still "influencing society"! Her life was not a waste!
I couldn't agree more with the anon who said there should be a contigency plan. My God is big, but I don't expect my church to care for me forever should something happen to my husband.
In our case, I wish it were as simple as life insurance. When we first applied for a life insurance policy for my husband several years ago, he had to have simple medical tests done (blood and urine). The urine tests kept coming back funny. Several visits with a nephrologist and a kidney biopsy later, we learned he has kidney disease. This is the big black X with insurance companies. We had no life insurance on him for years, so that truly was a trusting God thing.
He now has insurance through his work (had to be a big enough company to receive life insurance without a medical exam), but I don't rely on that completely. As a former teacher, a published writer (nothing big, but I haven't tried very hard), and a current sometimes-substitute teacher, I can easily go back to work if something should happen to him. I do believe that able-bodied women should be able to take care of their families without having to rely endlessly on charity. It is important to have a plan in place should the unexpected happen. We all know there are no guaratees in this life other than Christ's salvation.
The sad thing is the people who have internalized this belief system and find caring for their home and family demeaning. I recently got to visit with a cousin I grew up with and lost touch with. We had a great visit, but it made me so sad that she actually believes working at Wal-mart would be more satisfying and a bigger contribution to her family than managing her home. She asked me if I resented that I do most of the housework since Adam works. I assured her our division of labor is not a source of conflict or resentment! I am challanged in my role of managing my home and I'm thankful to be home with my little ones. Believe me team building was much easier in a professional work setting with other adults back in my career days rather than team building with 5 little boys, one who is still learning to go to the bathroom and talk!Anyway, it is sad that people like this further influence the unchurched who fail to see God's great design!
Just a thought...hopefully the one who wrote the article will practice what she preaches! Not sure the world needs more children of such mommies!! Well, no one knows what a joy it is to be a mom, who has not been one either. Some things we do learn by experience. I was definitely not a perfect mom, though I wanted to be. But employers are amazed at the work ethic my children all have (where did they get it I wonder...don't think it was from me, but perhaps from being homeschooled and allowed to develop in ways that are denied in public school).
This is the deal---if they truly thought being home were easier, they'd do it. Part of me wonders, really wonders---do these working moms work to AVOID being home with the kids, changing diapers, disciplining and discipling? I think work is an escape for many moms and therefore, it could be said that it is the EASIER thing in many cases!
Hmmm, what odd conclusions from Linda H.
You know, the longer I have worked in a secular environment outside the home and the more exposure I have to career women around me, the less I appreciate it or desire it.
Just last week I spent my lunch time one day visiting with a newly hired nurse who had three school-aged children. I struck up a conversation with her after I saw her bowing her head in prayer before she ate her lunch. She admitted to me that she would rather not have to be working outside the home but with much debt from multiple family moves and her husband's desire for her to do so, that is what she is doing at the present. I told her about your site, Crystal, and all the great ideas for women to work from home to still provide an income for their families. She seemed in disbelief that the concept could ever work for her. Perhaps I will have future opportunities to speak with her about such things.
Thanks for all your tremendous resources to facilitate this concept for hundreds of wives and mothers. By God's grace, I hope to be there (at home with children), myself, one day in the not too distant future.
(Pardon the extensive quotes...I just read so many JEWELS in the comments!!)
"I don't understand the mindset that it's only earning power that counts for anything in this world, but it really just gets at the heart of our materialistic culture."..." It's all about what you can collect, not who you can become."
Wow! I never heard it put so well. That's SO true!
"It's funny that feminists keep saying it's all about 'choice', but when women make a choice...it's suddenly not about just any 'choice'. It's about Linda Hirshman's choice."
EXACTLY!! A woman should be free to stay home without being treated like a loser. I also agree that any woman should be able to stay home - not just mothers of small children. Good point!!
"If all women chose to work, and leave behind the home, than, yes, definately, they could be a positive influence in today's society! But, by choosing to stay at home and raise their children, they have the power to influence tomorrow's society."
AMEN!!! Oh man...I'm dying here with all these awesome points! I'm taking notes!!
Sometimes I feel I'm being baited by these kinds of articles- and what I really hear isn't that working is better for women (indeed, the logic just isn't there, and no mention is ever made of the many ways that the same fulfillments could be obtained through full-time volunteer work). Maybe it's just the season, but what I really hear from the voices like Hirschman's is something like this:
"Ladies, we want you to be paying taxes on your wage! C'mon, the government needs your salaried dollar! We're not going to get that if you stay at home! Stick those kids in public school so that we can hit you up for some more property taxes too, you know it's going to a good cause- education! Pump those bucks back into the economy and spend, spend, spend! Hey, that money's not going to help us just sitting in the bank! Spend it on some nice, taxable goods- maybe some new work clothes, hey! Yeah! Tax bucks, we love 'em!"
Sounds silly perhaps, but it's a message that seems to bombard me all day long. :)
How scornful and intolerent can you get! My heart breaks for the children of mothers like that. They are truely demeaning the importance of motherhood itself. What about the children who grow up with a woman who refuses to take the responsibility of mothering? That is going to damage society a lot more than a woman not taking her place in the cubicle!
Post a Comment
<< Home