Preparing for a new baby - Part 2
I wasn't really planning on writing a series on this, but I did want to share a followup post to my recent post on this topic.
As some of you know, in recent weeks, I'd been struggling some in my mothering. I was feeling overwhelmed at the responsibility of the tasks God had given me and feeling like I was failing miserably in being the mother I should be. There were so many things I wanted to do with Kathrynne that I wasn't doing and so many days would go by that I felt I'd just wasted so much precious time with her.
I had been crying out to God a great deal for help, for direction, for strength, for wisdom. I'd been asking various friends for encouragement, ideas, and prayers, most of all.
And then, in the middle of this, I find out I'm pregnant.
After I got over the shock, I felt not only overjoyed, but overwhelmed. Here I was, barely making it as a wife and mom of one, feeling so inadequate at that, and poof, now I'm supposed to take on the responsibility of mothering two?
God, what were you thinking? Didn't you hear my prayers for help?
But, you know what? It took me a few days to get it, but I've since realized that this pregnancy is the answer to my prayers. It is not the answer I would have expected. I would have expected God to give me some enormous boost of energy, or make Kathrynne more helpful or obedient or something.
Instead, He gave me a child in my womb. He knows better than I do and I'm slowly seeing why.
As many of you probably know, I'm a go-getter, get-things-done type of person. I like to check things off my list and usually evaluate the success or failure of a day based upon how much or how little has gotten done off of my to-do list.
Being pregnant has really forced me to refocus, reevaluate, and reprioritize. And it's been one of the best things I've ever done.
Late last week, I sat down and trashed all of my former schedules. I realized there was no way I could follow them and deal with morning sickness and a toddler. It was just too much.
In place of the every-15-minute-mapped-out schedule, I made up a simple, basic of most basic routines. I wrote down my top 12 priorities in a day, listed them in the order I hoped to complete them, typed it up on the computer, and stuck in on our refrigerator.
And you know what? It's been the most-freeing, best "schedule" I've ever had in my life. Not only am I actually able to complete it, all of it, but I feel accomplished knowing that the most basic things which need to be done each day are getting done. Things like reading with Kathrynne, praying with Kathrynne, singing with Kathrynne, and teaching her simple chores.
Why it took me almost four years of marriage to figure this out, I don't know. I just know that this pregnancy was God's way of helping me to get back on track.
One of my struggles with staying on a schedule was that I would often feel defeated before the day had begun. I had 50 things to do in order every 15-30 minutes and with an unpredictable toddler, it was often overkill. Yes, maybe lots of nitty-gritty cleaning will be overlooked for awhile around here and maybe I won't finish as many different projects. That's okay. My day is full with bigger priorities - seeking the Lord, loving my husband, loving and training our precious daughter, and taking care of myself and the health of our baby.
I'm so glad that God doesn't always answer my prayers like I think He should!
As some of you know, in recent weeks, I'd been struggling some in my mothering. I was feeling overwhelmed at the responsibility of the tasks God had given me and feeling like I was failing miserably in being the mother I should be. There were so many things I wanted to do with Kathrynne that I wasn't doing and so many days would go by that I felt I'd just wasted so much precious time with her.
I had been crying out to God a great deal for help, for direction, for strength, for wisdom. I'd been asking various friends for encouragement, ideas, and prayers, most of all.
And then, in the middle of this, I find out I'm pregnant.
After I got over the shock, I felt not only overjoyed, but overwhelmed. Here I was, barely making it as a wife and mom of one, feeling so inadequate at that, and poof, now I'm supposed to take on the responsibility of mothering two?
God, what were you thinking? Didn't you hear my prayers for help?
But, you know what? It took me a few days to get it, but I've since realized that this pregnancy is the answer to my prayers. It is not the answer I would have expected. I would have expected God to give me some enormous boost of energy, or make Kathrynne more helpful or obedient or something.
Instead, He gave me a child in my womb. He knows better than I do and I'm slowly seeing why.
As many of you probably know, I'm a go-getter, get-things-done type of person. I like to check things off my list and usually evaluate the success or failure of a day based upon how much or how little has gotten done off of my to-do list.
Being pregnant has really forced me to refocus, reevaluate, and reprioritize. And it's been one of the best things I've ever done.
Late last week, I sat down and trashed all of my former schedules. I realized there was no way I could follow them and deal with morning sickness and a toddler. It was just too much.
In place of the every-15-minute-mapped-out schedule, I made up a simple, basic of most basic routines. I wrote down my top 12 priorities in a day, listed them in the order I hoped to complete them, typed it up on the computer, and stuck in on our refrigerator.
And you know what? It's been the most-freeing, best "schedule" I've ever had in my life. Not only am I actually able to complete it, all of it, but I feel accomplished knowing that the most basic things which need to be done each day are getting done. Things like reading with Kathrynne, praying with Kathrynne, singing with Kathrynne, and teaching her simple chores.
Why it took me almost four years of marriage to figure this out, I don't know. I just know that this pregnancy was God's way of helping me to get back on track.
One of my struggles with staying on a schedule was that I would often feel defeated before the day had begun. I had 50 things to do in order every 15-30 minutes and with an unpredictable toddler, it was often overkill. Yes, maybe lots of nitty-gritty cleaning will be overlooked for awhile around here and maybe I won't finish as many different projects. That's okay. My day is full with bigger priorities - seeking the Lord, loving my husband, loving and training our precious daughter, and taking care of myself and the health of our baby.
I'm so glad that God doesn't always answer my prayers like I think He should!
posted by Crystal Paine at 1:58 PM
14 Comments:
Congratulations on your prengnacy, Crystal! I'll write more later, but I wanted to get that out to you right away!
One of the hardest parts of being a "planner" (as I am) is to not let the plan rule over everything else.
Your new schedule sounds freeing and highly effective!
Oh, Crystal, I can totally relate. The whole 15 minute segment schedule never worked for me. It simply overwhelmed me. I am so glad that you have found a more effective path for you especially since you are expecting. I also make a list of daily tasks I hope to accomplish, and I really love this method.Usually I accomplish each of my daily tasks. But being pregnant, I am trying to be patient with myself if I do not do as much as I used to. Today I really wanted to scrub the kitchen floor, but I am just too wiped out. It is so important to try your best and surrender to God what you are unable to do.Right now, my crockpot is my best friend. Whatever makes your day a little easier is well worth it! Blessings and prayers to you!
Congratulations Crystal.
I've actually found that this sort of scheduling works out best for me as well.
Hi Crystal, that was a great post! But did you ever stop to think that maybe mothering was seeming overwhelming because you were pregnant and tired (AND you didn't even know it) all those hormones in your body were already starting with taking your concentration, tiredness and all that goes with it :)
Would you be able to post your 12 most important things you do in a day? I would love to see it...as a mother of two young children I would like to see what other Mother do in their days. Thanks!
Caroline
I love your schedule idea! Could I possibly beg you to tell what those 12 things are? :) I've done similar schedules in the past... where I just basically had a "morning" and an "evening" list of the essentials. It's almost impossible for me to schedule anything besides meals at an exact time (and even that doesn't usually happen!) :)
Thanks so much for sharing. Isn't it wonderful how we learn and grow by being presented with new challenges?! I'm so glad YHWH doesn't make us get it all "perfect" before He sends a new blessing or challenge! :)
Praise God. I am so you! I have been feeling so guilty and torn between being a wife, mother, and homemaker and a servant to the Lord. I too was like GOD PLEASE HELP ME! Then I found out I am pregnant. This will be #3 and I am very big scheduled, routined perfectionist (which makes me miserable in all honesty). I know we need to have routines and homemaking plans and such, but tey are guidelines. I love your idea on your new daily plan. Congrats.
Chrissy
I am curious about how did you stop at 12? Did you say I want to stop at 12 or were these just the most important? You don't have to tell exactly but could you give a idea of your top priorities?
haha, i thought that was funny with the schedules...i have a friend just like you...i'm so glad you've found your "happy spot". :)
btw, i've been away from here a few days and just now seen that you're pregnant again...congrats, crys. :)
I can relate to your feelings of failure tied up to getting your list done!
I recently read something that has helped me immensely. I saw this on the Girl Talk blog. CJ Mahaney tells his wife, "Only God gets his to do list done everyday."
It can be a real source of pride when we are focused on our ability to get it all done perfectly.
With three little ones five and under, I have found it most helpful to use the loose type schedule you have described. I stay focused on my priorities, but also feel a lot of freedom when other things come up or one thing takes longer than I had planned.
Be encouraged, Crystal! God is completely satisfied in Christ's work on your behalf. You are in his favor regardless of your performance today- or tomorrow.
Your sister in Christ,
Tami
Marriage and mothering are a continual laerning experience. I too have learned to jsut try to have a basic structure for each day rather than a detailed schedule. With three little ones there are just too many variables for me. Everyone is different, and what works for you today, might not work so well next month. I do somtimes wish I could go back ten years knowing what I know now! :^)
I would love to read about the mysterious "12" things, too. ; )
When I read the beginning of this post I was hoping that you were going to say that the baby was the way God answered your prayers. I have been stressed out about mothering and worried that I don't spend enough time with my boys. I have come to realize that it is OK that I don't spend every waking minute with my kids. They are around me, but I don't have to cater to them all the time. The great thing is that they have each other. I predict that things will go much smoother when your second is a few months old.
I tell George to go play and set the baby near him. I get more done this way than if I put both kids infront of a movie. They like each other and keep each other busy. I think it is so healthy for children to grow up with siblings. Humans have a selfish nature and having a little brother or sister is probably the first time they learn that it isn't all about them. I understand that because we live in a fallen world couples are only blessed with one. However, I always feel sorry for the couples who "choose" to have only one for conveniance. There are so many life lessons that will be easily learned if kids grow up with brothers and sisters. Just some of my thoughts.
Congratulations, again, and don't keep us nosy ladies waiting too long to find out the "12" things that have graced you list.
Congrats! I can totally relate but I have realized that having them close together is a blessing. Take naps when the toddler does (it will make you nicer to be around;) and just keep a routine but not a schedule. I think this is training for the craziness of life. I also am type A and I am pregnant with #4 and am lozing my mind. But remember, don't sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff;).
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