Frugal Fridays: Simply Centsible Living - Part 2
Last week, I laid the foundation for why I am writing this series. This week I want to jump in with some practical help.
As most of you know, Jesse graduated from law school in May, passed the bar in early September, and is now working as an attorney in a high profile state political legal job (A girl can brag, can't she?!). We feel incredibly blessed and know that it is only God who has opened the doors and made it possible for us to be where we are today.
However, getting to this place in our lives was not a piece of cake. Instead, it was a walk of faith. We were stretched beyond what we thought we could handle and it's only by the grace of God that we are where we are today. Without relying upon Him, we could have never made it through the last three years.
Before we were married, we understood rather clearly that we were stepping out in faith, out into the unknown. We had purposed to not go into debt, we had purposed to trust God with our family size, and we had purposed that I would be a keeper-at-home. Throw into the mix that we would be moving a few hours away from all of our friends, family, church, jobs, and support structure after we got married, the fact that law school costs upwards of $30,000 and that living expenses for three years would most certainly be quite a bit more than that.
A recipe for disaster? According to many, yes. But God is able to do the impossible. I don't just say that because it sounds nice, I say that because I've lived it the past three years.
We tried as best as we could to prepare for marriage with all of this in mind. There were a couple of things we did before marriage which were extremely beneficial:
1) We spent quite a lot of time discussing and creating a budget.
This has been one of the greatest assets to our marriage. More on this later.
2) We only registered items which were basic living neccessities.
Neither of us were really keen on doing gift registries for our wedding. It just seemed so selfish or something - like we were asking for handouts. However, with lots of thought and discussion, we decided that we would create registries at two places but we would only register necessities and we wouldn't tell anyone about the registries unless asked. At the time, we didn't realize the wisdom in only registering essentials but I can't tell you how helpful this has been.
Many registries I've seen nowadays include items like an Xbox and a big entertainment system. We registered a mop, trashcans, hangers, an ironing board, and, well, you get the picture. We didn't register any china and I don't regret it one bit. I don't have space to store nice china, I didn't want to have to mess with moving it, and I'd rather use our sturdy white Walmart dishes anyday. Plus, if anything breaks, I don't have to stress over it, since it was cheap to begin with and will be cheap to replace. I know, I know, I might just be way too practical and unromantic, but hey, it's really helped us out.
We ended up getting everything we registered and multiples of many things which we were able to take back and use the return money to buy a few extra things we found we needed in the first few months of marriage. We were given all the furnishings to our home, including a washer and dryer (that's another long story to be told elsewhere!). A group of ladies had a baking shower for me and gave me all sorts of staples for our cupboards. One woman gave me a entire spice and herbs set. My mom donated many things from her coupon stockpile.
The only furnishings we bought were a sofa and chair for our living room which we found in the paper for $100. That was our only out of pocket expense to furnish and start up our entire home. All this might sound rather superficial, but it really made a difference. By spending so little out of pocket to start our marriage, we were able to save that much more to put away for future expenses. This benefitted us enormously in the years to follow. It also taught us to be grateful and thankful for what we had. We learned early on that having nice things doesn't make a good marriage nor do things guarantee an happiness. We were happy as could be with our hand-me-down furniture and Walmart white dishes. And you know what? We still have and use almost all of what we began our marriage with. And, we're happy with it.
...To be continued.
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posted by Crystal Paine at 2:43 PM
31 Comments:
Wow - your story is so different from mine. When my husband and I got married last year we received almost nothing from our registry - and many things that we could not use and were unable to return. They ended up going to the Goodwill. I'm so thankful I lived on my own before marriage and had amassed some household items and furniture during that time - or else we would have had had pretty much nothing.
Mrs. Zoid, we prayed specifically for specific items and God gave specific answers. That is what I attribute it to. We prayed for a blue couch, He gave us one and a matching chair to boot. We prayed for a table - He gave us a nice oak table that seats at least six. We prayed for a washer and dryer, He gave us a set rent-free. We prayed that if people were going to give us things, they would be things we could use. God answered those prayers so mightily! I know most people don't think to pray for specific things like that sometimes. But if you do, God will answer.
Also, we are blessed to have many very practical friends. They knew that we needed the basics, we didn't have room for fluff, and that's what they gave us.
My point was to young couples facing marriage to think ahead, plan, pray, and prepare. You'll be the wiser for it.
Crystal,
What a blessing your story is!!! It just thrills my heart to hear how God provided for you as you and your husband stepped out on faith following Biblical principles and applying them each step of the way! My own married children have done much of the same things as they prepared for marriage. It is so fun to see God give us the desires of our hearts. We get so excited over yard sale or thrift store finds that most people wouldn't give a second thought to. Last year after having all our family over for Easter lunch, I told my husband I really wish I had a large dining room table with at least 8 chairs for our family meals. Guess what? That very next Friday the Lord provided us an immaculate oak dining room table with 8 chairs! It looked as if it came right out of a furniture store, but we got it at a yard sale! God is so good to provide for us! He truly does care about every detail of our lives.
Oh...I really want to read the rest of the story! :o)
Good advice about the bridal registry. Though we did register for china (which I really wanted), we made a point not to register for any decorative-y type things. We asked for things like towels, kitchenware, bedsheets, pillows...practical things. I knew from watching other brides go through it, that if you have a bunch of "fun" stuff on your registry--even if you also have practical items--the fun stuff is usually what people go for. I mean, really...who wouldn't rather give a beautiful picture frame than a dustmop? So we just decided not to give the option, and it worked wonderfully. A few friends still gave us picture frames and the like, but we weren't overloaded with stuff like that. We were very blessed to receive most of the practical items we needed.
I've been able to gradually collect the more non-essential stuff as I find good deals on it at garage stores, discount stores, etc...but it's rather hard to get by without pots and pans:o)
Sorry about the previous non-post under my name! My finger slipped before I'd written anything. (or perhaps my brain short-circuited....)
Anyway, my frugal tip concerns homeschooling on a budget. Unless you absolutely have no other way, do NOT purchase new homeschooling materials! There are a multitude of used materials to be found at the used curriculum sales in the spring/early summer or at used curriculum websites. You can also very often find materials in the book sections of thrift stores. I have found brand new workbooks from even Christian publishers there! And there are frequently used math or english texts available there, too. While you might not want years old geography books, elementary math has not changed that much! When you do get your materials for the first child you homeschool, try to preserve them for the second by having #1 write in a separate notebook or with a dry-erase marker on an an acetate page placed over the workbook page. Our library has educational materials that can be checked out, including computer tutorials and drills. Swap materials with another homeschooler. I have a friend with three children in between mine. I use the math texts, send them to her, she keeps them for several years until her youngest is done with it and then sends it back for me to use with my youngest. This year I've been able to school my youngest for less than $25! Even though most homeschooling families may not have a lot of disposable income, homeschooling does not have to be a "budget buster."
What a blessing it is that you were able to begin your marriage without having to make a list of essentials that you don't have and can't get right away. My husband and I did without a broom and mop for months after we got married! Dishes and silverware came first, lol.
I added my tip ~ online co-ops. I really like co-ops!
By the way, Erin and others, just thought I should clarify that I do not think it is in any way wrong to register china! I think I'm probably pretty weird for not registering it. I just knew we wouldn't have space for it and with knowing we'd be living in temporary housing and moving at least a few times in the first few years of our marriage, it just really seemed impractical when there were so many other necessary items. I also wondered if I would regret not registering it. I really haven't. I know Someday, my husband says he's going to buy me a whole set - we'll see! For now, I've grown really fond of my white Wal-mart dishes!
Crystal -
You are wise to wait until you are settled for the china.
We have had to move 12 times in 7 years. It has been good in that we have very little clutter. One of the downsides though is that my grandmother left me pretty china service for 12 but as you can imagine storing and moving it is a pain.
I pray that we can buy a home someday and purchase dining room furniture that includes a large hutch to put in all in. It is a shame that it has to sit in boxes unused.
Isn't it funny? :) My husband loves nice china and really wants to get me a set to replace the chipped (free) one we have. WHICH we never use! haha He won't let me get rid of it! lol But I can't complain... he let me get rid of the microwave ;)
I think we are very alike in the practicality sense... (although you were clutter-and-junk-free long before I ever was! lol)
I realy like all your frugal articles you've been sharing with us, Crystal. Thanks!
My frugal Fridays tip is about covering up flaws on denim... like when I get a drop of bleach on my clothes, or stuff like that. I'll have a better one next week, I promise! :)
Crystal, I agree with ya on the china thing! Fine if other people enjoy it, but it doesn't do a thing for me!
Mary, mom to many
Thank you for sharing your story Crystal...I can't wait to hear more!!!
I didn't even know what a bridal registry was when I got married and that was 5 years ago. But I didn't care. Some of my wedding gifts were a new bedspread / sheet set, dishes (which is still our only pair as of today, kind of chipped, but still useable), a microwave which has since broke and a few other usefull things.
We didn't ask for any gifts, we just wanted people to come to our wedding and eat the food up so we wouldn't have to take it home...LOL.
As far as china goes, that's just not my thing. It's more to dust with it just sitting in a cabinet or something. Now if it is inherited, hey, it's a family heirloom, can't part with that.
Anyways, it's awesome how God has answered your prayers for just the little things in life. I have seen it done in my life as well. Sometimes I think, this is so frivolous, I am not going to ask God, but then I realize no prayer is stupid and so I pray in faith.
Alrighty, dishes call my name.
At our mothers' insistence, we registered for china. But we only got one place setting as a gift and couldn't afford the $50 to buy another place setting so we would at least have 2 for romantic meals. So we returned the one place setting we received and used the money to buy some much needed kitchen essentials. I don't have the space to store an extra set of dishes right now anyways. We really like our basic white set of dishes from Target that we registered for and fortunately, I used my brain and chose something basic that would go with anything! We both had some basic pieces of furniture and stuff from living on our own before marriage, but registered for alot of inexpensive basics like dishes, baking and cooking essentials, towels, trash cans, etc. Right before we got married, I used a Wal-mart gift card from the Christmas before (I had been saving the $ we received for basics) to buy a broom, mop, bucket, ironing board, iron and cleaning supplies. We were given much more than we had ever asked for or imagined. I was blessed to have 4 bridal showers and friends gave feedback as to how much they liked the practical and inexpensive items I had registered for. I did register for some decorative things to add a little variety, but didn't receive very much of those things, which was fine with me. I am having fun looking at yard sales and thrift stores now for the perfect accents for our home! God does supply our needs and sometimes even a few of our wants as well when we follow Him and trust Him for provision. Great post, Crystal!
Hi Crystal! You are very wise to have focused on the essentials. It is also difficult to worry about china when having little ones. Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom. I think it is just beautiful that you and your husband prayed specifically for certain needs, and He met them. Your story reminds me a lot of George Muller. Blessings to you!
I definitely agree with those who mentioned the difficulty of packing and moving china!!! That's a definite downside:op Thankfully, I haven't broken a piece yet in a move.
China is not everybody's thing. In my home growing up, my mother used her china all the time for holidays and special family meals. I guess since that's what I grew up with, I wanted to carry on the "tradition":o) I specifically chose all-white china (with silver trim) so it would go with any decor and be appropriate for any holiday or occaision.
Ironically, I still don't have a nice full set of everyday dishes, but am using mismatched handmedowns! I've recently decided that instead of saving for a full set of these, I'm going to start collecting a variety of white dishes, whenever I find them at a good price, piece by piece. I love that "cottagy" look of all-white complementary-but-different pieces put together. It should be very easy to replace dishes as they break this way also.
Hurray for white dishes!!!:o)
Mel, your comment about going without a broom and reminds me that my husband and I went without a vacuum cleaner for several months after we first married! Our apt. was almost all carpet. I still remember trying to sweep the carpet with a broom. When sweeping stopped cutting it, we started borrowing a vacuum from friends every few weeks!
Great tips! Once again, thanks for this. It's a real encouragement to me to see others trying to live frugal as we do.
I agree with Crystal: pray, wait & God sends. I've done the same thing for years. I just found an incredible writing desk last week, for free!
If he owns a cattle on a thousand hills, why can't he provide a blue sofa?
I love your faithful tesimony Crystal! :)
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. As a young women who may get married (if the Lord so provides) in the not so distant future, your advice is very helpful and I am thankful I know it now.
The constant reminder through out your series that we MUST rely on God's provision is very important. So often in our quest to save money we get the "my hand hath gotten me this" (Deut.8:17,18) attitude when we know that God is the only one that can supply our every need.
May the Lord abudently bless you and yours.
If only I knew of God and his amazing blessings when I got married. Thankfully, my husband and I didn't take long to realize where we needed to be and made a commitment to God together. It was my first time coming to Jesus and my husbands re-commitment.
It has been such a blessing on our marriage.
We have received the same blessings that many of you have. We pray for what we NEED and God does provide. We are still waiting on our 8 dining room chairs though, lol. Trying to be patient and not use my visa to get them is tremendously hard but I have been strong so far!
Crystal,
I felt that registering was being selfish too. I reluctantly gave in to registering for china and only got one piece from one of our wealthier relatives. The piece is still with my mom because I am afraid I will break it. My other dishes are Pfalzgraf. I only registered for practical stuff, too. Furniture was either given to us or I purchased with my savings. I got a couch and a mattress. We slept without a head and footboard for two and a half years. I actually HATE being the center of attention and didn't like the wedding ceremony because everyone was staring at me. (I like to be alone.)
I was wondering, Crystal, why you and Jesse didn't wait until he was finished with school. I, personally, think it is best to wait until the man is ready to support his wife. I know NOBODY (hardly) does this now. My parents didn't and neither did most of my friends. I just think that it would encourage girls to want to stay home, more. Studying and working is hard enough and than put taking care of wife and family on top of that is adding a lot of stress. Just wondered what your ideas were. I totally understand that circumstances change and a lot of husband and fathers have to go back to get another degree or change their career, but, ideally it would seem best for a man to wait until his job was established before marrying.
I hope I didn't offend you. Just curious.
So often the Target registries include DVDs and games. I think if you break a glass you might really need a broom first!
Crystal, have you thought of making an e book for brides to be? Young Christian couples sure could use one... I just tried finding one for my son and the girl he is courting, (they are up for it), and even at a Christian book store I came home empty handed. A practical guide (based on spiritual principles) along with your wonderful encouragement and personal experiences, would be a blessing. I am sure you would know what to put in it. Hey maybe even Jesse could offer a chapter for the groom-- who knows?
Ruth
I can't say enough good things about your site!!! We still have things in our attic that we got for wedding presents that we received when we were married 24 years ago! I have regifted some in the past and have given others to resale or yard sale!
then again we still have some of the good things that we got for wedding presents like towels, (yep! still have 'em) and wooden trivets. I think that the trivets were our best gift! So needed and so used!
Thanks again for your daily wisdom.
The china pattern we have began with a few pieces an elderly lady had in yard sale offerings we happened upon not long after married. We added to it over the years and have place settings for 16(easily divided between two children...or a nice investment for retirement or family, wouldn't you say?). Mostly we use the Folk Art stoneware that has seen many additions over the years, too(a neighbor's son/DIL lived in York, PA and obliged kindly by shopping for special priced pieces my mother purchased for us...and online has been great for bargain prices!). It has stood the test of time and handling where early on Corelle didn't do it for us(think they have more durable offerings now).
To china or not isn't as important as what is on the menu, in the hearts of those partaking, and the atmosphere that can be created even if the plates are paper! I'd imagine such was very simple and adequate thousands of years ago. :-)
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Hey, I have the same question as Zan. Why did you marry before Jesse finished school? I don't see a problem with doing that, and I'm sure it really caused you to grow close as a couple when you went through tight times. But I have just been meaning to ask you for the last couple of weeks about that. Would you recommend that other couples-to-be do the same, or do you see wisdom in waiting? (hind-sight you know!) Eager to hear your response!
Hello Crystal! I love what you're doing with the Frugal Fridays and telling your story.
I wrote an article for LAF almost three years ago about setting up your first home. It reflects much of what you've written here.
http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/artman/publish/article_687.shtml
Michele
My big thing is going to garage sales. We go to the rich part of town :-) They sometimes want more money for their stuff, but it is really worth it. I get some REALLY nice name brand things that makes me look like I spend tons of money :-) Very fun!
I really enjoyed this post & look forward to the continued... :)
I noticed questions about waiting to get married after college & want to chime in if I may. :) I was one who waited until after college. We both believe we were wrong and should have gotten married while we were in school instead of dating for 3 years. When you're with the man God has for you, and you know it is His will for you, why wait? Waiting all those years was an unnecesarry difficulty to us in our promise to wait until our wedding night. Our souls were already tied, yet we weren't married yet. We had our roommates help us not to be alone, and we made sure to spend time with crowds or alone in public places. 3 years is a long time to go through that with your soulmate. :) I wise pastor also mentioned later that it is not natural to date for years. It's pure torture. I agree! He said there comes a point where you either need to get married or break up, otherwise usually will not be able to keep their hands off.
honey,
I agree that long engagement periods are unwise. I met and married my husband before the year was out. We were both ready.
I think it isn't the best idea to even look or start dating until you are ready to get married ie. finished with college or have a job that is able to support a family. I believe if more men did this then it would be so much easier for the wife to focus on homemaking and preparing for motherhood.When the man does his part than the woman can do her part.
Hmm. Interesting question, Zan! My husband and I married while we were still both in college...so while I don't have any great wisdom about this, I do have my perspective:
I knew a guy in college who had the philosophy that he wouldn't pursue any possibilities until he was established in his career and had saved money. Now financially...this DOES make tons of sense. My husband and I have had financial struggles (due to a large amount of school debt which we both now regret immensely!), and I can only dream about how nice it would be to not have that stress hanging over our heads.
But I would 100 times over rather go through struggle together with my husband than endure years of loneliness as the guy I knew from college is now doing (still single...longing to be married...etc.) I would rather not trade years where we can be learning and growing and working together for some plan whereby my financial struggle might be diminished. That's just me:o)
Obviously, wisdom should be used in determining things such as can a family be supported without resorting to govt. programs...etc. But in our case, the debt was there regardless of whether we married or not. We decided to go at it together rather than alone!
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